Qualities of Great sex lovers

Traits that sharply distinguish great lovers from lovers who aren't as good:

• The best lovers are not ashamed or afraid of talking openly about their sexual fantasies.

• The best lovers are not ashamed or afraid of trying new things, even things that sound unusual.

• The best lovers are not afraid of being "weird" or doing "weird" things in bed. Good lovers don't ask the question, "is [X] sexual thing normal?" They know there is no such thing as 'normal' when it comes to human sexuality, and they are not concerned with being 'normal.'

• The best lovers are flexible. Not physically flexible, though that's a boon as well, but emotionally flexible. They're up for experimenting and exploring, and they aren't afraid of their turn-ons or kinks changing. They know people change, and that's okay.

• The best lovers don't shame their partners. They don't think that good girls shouldn't like sex and only "sluts" or "tramps" dress that way/do that thing/talk that way/whatever.

• The best lovers aren't scared of being uncomfortable. New things are always uncomfortable at first. Talking about new things, trying new things, learning new things...there's a certain amount of awkwardness that goes hand in hand with being a beginner at anything, doesn't matter if it's fly fishing or riding a bike or sex. Good lovers are okay with that.

• The best lovers are invested in their partner's experience and their partner's pleasure, not just their own.

• The best lovers make it safe for their partners to talk openly about sex, and don't criticize or shame a partner for talking about past sexual experiences, sexual fantasies, or anything else--even if what they hear is surprising.

• The best lovers know that being good at sex is not about technique, because every single human being is different. There is no technique that is guaranteed to work--something that drove your last lover to wild sexual heights won't do anything at all for your next lover. You're starting over at zero with every new partner. You have to learn from scratch with every new partner.

• The best lovers know there is no such thing as "what men like" or "what women like," because every new partner is different.

• The best lovers value consent, agency, and autonomy. They do not assume they are entitled to access to a partner's body. If they are unsure, they ask.

• The best lovers are not goal-directed. The point of recreational sex is not to have an orgasm, it's to have fun. If you're having fun, then you're doing it right.

• The best lovers are not afraid to talk about, or take responsibility for, STI testing and sexual health boundaries. In fact, it has been my experience and observation that a person who is afraid or ashamed to talk about STI testing is probably afraid or ashamed to talk about sex in general, and/or timid about sex. How open and willing someone is to talk about STI prevention tells you a lot about whether or not they're likely to be good in bed.

• The best lovers are not afraid to use toys, lube, and so on to make their sex lives better.

• The best lovers are secure and confident. They aren't tormented with thoughts like "if I don't give her an orgasm I'm a failure as a man" or "if we use a vibrator that means I am inadequate."

• The best lovers not only talk openly about their ideas, fantasies, and desires, they listen, too. They pay attention to their partner's needs, feelings, experience, ideas, thoughts, and fantasies.

• The best lovers do not make assumptions: "if we have sex that means we must be dating," "if someone said yes to sex with me yesterday that must mean it's okay for me to have sex with them now," that kind of thing. The best lovers know that the human sexual condition is wide, and communicate with their partners without making assumptions about what their partners want, feel, or think. Mind-reading is not a good way to run an awesome sexual relationship.

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Enjoy :)